Forced
by See Jane Write
Summary: The story behind Serena Benson's rape leading towards Olivia's birth.
1. Chapter 1

Forced

Summary: The story behind Serena Benson's rape leading towards Olivia's birth.

Author's Notes: Details from Serena's rape taken from Season One's "Bad Blood" and Season Five's "Control".

* * *

It was darker than usual. Normally, midnight was nothing for Serena Benson. She could easily spend her time drinking into the wee hours. However, this night was different. She had just finished gathering some research for one of her papers that night. The campus library had closed at midnight, which was about five minutes ago. 

Serena had the research she needed, but just having the research was not enough. Now she actually had to write the paper. And in order to do that, she would need another drink. Another beer or something. She had almost finished a six-pack, so she might as well take the last bottle to avoid bringing the case home. She liked her thinking.

As she opened the bottle, she started down her usual shortcut back to her apartment. She was in grad school after all. She did not need to live on campus. It was April, so the weather was relatively nice. It was a lot nicer than the previous week. Although, it was a bit less focused. The world was clearer the previous week. Before Serena could ponder the thought further, she took another large sip of beer. It tasted too good to think about anything else.

She was about half-way through stumbling back towards her apartment when she felt some pain explode in the back of her head. She thought she heard a man laughing, but she could not be certain of it. Whatever it was, that sound was the last thing she heard before she lost consciousness.

* * *

Serena rubbed her eyes as she regained consciousness. Her vision was blurred. She immediately wondered how much she had to drink. As she rubbed her eyes again, she realized she did not know where exactly she was. It was a landing somewhere. She was definitely below street level. Seriously. How drunk was she?

She felt something wrong with her stomach. _All right, _she thought. _It's ok. You're just a little hung over. Beer does that. Embrace it already._

No, she immediately realized. That jab in her stomach was not from the need to get sick after her typical too much drinking. It was from a man crawling on top of her. As he laughed, Serena thought she recognized his voice. That laugh…She had heard it before. Why couldn't she remember?

Before she was aware of what was happening, her dress was being pulled up. The bottom part of the dress covered her face. She could not see the man anymore. She tried to push it off, but it was difficult. She felt her underwear being ripped off her legs.

She passed out again. The next time she woke up, she was alone. She could feel pain. She managed to stumble to street level. From there, she took a cab to the closest hospital.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay, but I had a hard time writing this chapter. Don't worry, though. Everything else should be a lot easier (and therefore, quicker!) Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Parts of dialog from Serena's statement taken from the first season episode "Bad Blood", which I tragically did not write as I am not on the writing team of SVU.

* * *

Chapter Two

The rest of the morning was a blur to Serena. She remembered waking up in some emergency room. At first, she thought she had just gotten wasted and passed out somewhere, but after a minute she remembered. She had been raped. Some man out there had knocked her out and did heaven knows what to her.

The nurse was nice to her. She said she could not imagine what Serena was going through and offered her help in any way possible. Serena thanked her, but said she wanted to get out. By that point, the police were in the hospital waiting to take her down to the station to get her official statement.

"Good morning, ma'am," the first detective said gently as he handed Serena a blanket. This particular morning was cool, and he did not know how she felt.

"Maybe for you," Serena said bitterly as she took the blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm just not myself right now."

The detective raised his hand slightly to cut her off. "It's completely understandable, ma'am," he told her. He then extended his hand to her as a form of introduction. "I'm Detective Lee Conklin," he told her. "I'll be working on your case."

"Serena Benson," Serena muttered back as she shook his hand. She then rubbed her eyes. The detectives guided her to their car and drove her to the station. It was not as daunting as Serena had pictured it. She could only hope that they would not blame her for any of this because she had a little beer. It was nothing she could not handle. Whoever did this would have been there regardless of whether or not she had been drinking.

Conklin's partner lead Serena to the interrogation room. "We'll be right with you," he promised her. "Would you like anything? Coffee, maybe?"

Serena shrugged. "Sure, that'd be nice," she admitted. "Just put a little bit of cream in it."

He nodded as he went to get her a cup. He and Conklin returned about three minutes later ready to take her statement. He handed her the cup. "Anything else?" he asked.

"Who are you?" Serena asked him. "I mean, what's your name? I don't think I know."

He smiled at her. "Don Cragen, miss." He was younger than the other detective. Serena seemed to like his personality better, but she thought the other detective had more experience. She trusted Conklin more.

She exhaled deeply. They asked for her name and address, so she told them. She assumed it was standard procedure. She started telling them what she remembered. "The campus library closed at midnight," she started. "I took the shortcut I always take. It was darker than usual. I was half way through when something hit me from behind."

Conklin looked up from his writing. "You were knocked unconscious?" he questioned her.

"Yes," Serena stated. "When I came to, I was on a landing below street levels. There was a man on top of me. It was…he pushed up my dress." This was embarrassing. She was talking to two men about what had happened to her. She did not want to remember it in the first place, but now she had to talk to men. She knew it would help solve the case, but she still felt uncomfortable. God how she wanted something to drink right now.

"Engaged in sexual intercourse?" Conklin asked her. Serena nodded. "Can you describe him?" he asked a second later. His pen was held in his hand for when she was ready to start talking.

"He had sideburns," Serena started. He did, didn't he? Yes, she was sure of it. There were definitely sideburns. "And I don't know. Everything looked distorted." She then rested her head against the table in front of her. She did not know how useful she would be. She just wanted to go home and throw up again. Then she would get some wine. She needed wine right now. Everything else around her was too painful.

Conklin nodded over at Cragen. Cragen then stopped recording her statement. "We'll be right back," he told Serena gently as he followed Conklin out of the room.

"Sounds like Carl Kudlak to me," Conklin said. "Same M.O. Around midnight, he goes out, knocks a pretty blond unconscious, takes her to a landing and rapes her."

Cragen nodded. "What'll you bet his wife will alibi him?" he asked back.

* * *

Several weeks later

Serena was called back to the station. At first, she thought it would be good news. They were able to catch the guy who did this to her, and all they needed her to do was make a positive identity. That would be easy. That would be nice.

No. That would just be too easy.

"Ma'am, I'm terribly sorry," Conklin started. "We thought we had the guy who did this, but he has a solid alibi. We can have you work with a sketch artist if you'd like…" he started.

Serena shook her head. "It wouldn't do any good," she said. "I don't remember much besides the sideburns. He pulled my dress over my head before I could see anything else." She frowned as she headed for the door. "I just want this whole mess behind me," she added.

She groaned in frustration after she left the station. On her way home, she realized that she never got her period. It was about six weeks after the rape. "Shit," Serena muttered softly. She would definitely need some wine. She did not care what the scientists were saying. No one had proved that alcohol was dangerous yet. Until they did, she would be allowed her wine.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

January 1969

Serena had been to her doctor shortly after she thought she could be pregnant. Her doctor had confirmed her fears. That man who raped her had fathered her child. Serena was pregnant. There was nothing she could do about it. Her friend Margo had tried to convince her that having a baby could be cool. If nothing else, it would help get her a seat on the bus or subway. Serena was still a little unsure. She worried she would not be able to handle it.

Life was supposed to be simple. Serena did not want anything messing that up. She liked her life the way it was. Although she would not categorize herself as an alcoholic, she liked her daily trips to the bars. People there knew her. She liked that feeling of inclusion. She saw the women at the doctor's office. Most of them were not having heir first child. Women like that frightened Serena. The only thing she feared more was that she was going to become one of them.

Nine months later, she was bigger than ever and still in the need of some wine. Seeing as she still was not in labor, she decided to meet Margo down at one of their favorite bars. Margo still had not arrived. Serena's tolerance for the new bartender was fading.

"Ma'am, you've already had two glasses of wine," this new guy pointed out. As if Serena needed a reminder. She just wanted to slap him. "Studies are being done on babies whose mothers—"

"I don't give a damn about studies!" Serena exclaimed. "Look, I'm paying your bar for the wine. All you have to do is pour it already! So pour, or I'm leaving."

Someone sat down in the seat next to Serena. Serena smiled as she recognized her friend. Margo leaned over the bar, exposing her fully developed chest and new black lace bra to the bartender. "Just make my friend happy, ok?" she said. "Then you can be happy, and it will all be a happy world!" She then gave a rowdy laugh and turned to face Serena. "Still haven't popped the booger?"

Serena grumbled an incoherent response. She then grabbed her glass of wine and gulped it down as if it were a shot of vodka. She loudly pressed her glass against the bar as a signal for more. She glared at the bartender until he poured some for her.

Serena then frowned. Something new was happening. Normally, she would have had much more wine. She was feeling pain, and it was not something she liked. If she had gone to some other bar, perhaps the pain would be less intense. She then sighed as she felt it go away.

"You ok?" Margo asked as she downed her second shot. "If you believe that whole science crap about wine, we can go," she offered.

Serena shook her head. "No," she insisted. "And don't you go trying to sell it on me either." Her tone was commanding. "It was probably just something I ate. I don't feel anything now." She snapped her fingers loudly to attract the attention of her favorite bartender. This was the one who knew her. He would not give her medical bullshit. He would just refill her wine, sometimes without even charging her.

"Hey there, little lady," Rick said as he joined Serena and Margo. "You need something?"

"You mean besides going back in time so I won't be pregnant and also so you won't hire this brat?" Serena questioned. Her head tilted at the newest member of the staff.

Rick shrugged. "Hey, he's all we got. At this point, we can't be picky about who we hire."

"Holy fuck!" Serena yelled. This time she knew she felt pain. It was getting stronger.

Startled by Serena's outburst, one of the female patrons of the bar walked over. "Ricky, call an ambulance. This woman's havin' a baby."

Serena's eyes widened. "No, I'm not," she insisted. "I don't want a baby. How can I have it if I don't want it! Oh, somebody shoot me!"

* * *

"Somebody page NICU!" Dr. Cardigan yelled as he saw Serena being wheeled into the delivery room. One of the nurses informed him that there was a drunk woman giving birth in their hospital. He knew that their neonatal intensive care was not the best in the country, but it was better than nothing. He somehow had the feeling this child would need all the help it could get.

"I'm here," a nurse said. "And Dr. Pelham is on his way," she offered.

Dr. Cardigan raised an eyebrow at the nurse. "And who are you?" he asked.

"Nurse Warner," the nurse responded. "I started in OB when you were a resident, and you later delivered my daughter Melinda."

"Will somebody tell me what is going on?" Serena demanded. She turned to Nurse Warner. "You look smart," she offered. "What's happening?"

"You went into labor a couple of hours ago," Nurse Warner informed her. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the NICU doctors enter the room.

"I don't remember," Serena muttered. She knew why she did not remember. The reason was always the same. However, she didn't want these people thinking she could not care for a child. Now that she had begun to sober up, she wanted the child. She cared about it.

Nurse Warner saw Dr. Cardigan nod at her. "I know, but it's time for your baby to be born," she said in a soothing and reassuring tone. "You have to push now, Serena." She stood by Serena's feet and hoped for the child's safety. She always pitied the babies in her care.

"Fully dilated," Dr. Cardigan stated. "Push!"

Serena tried her hardest. It took nearly half an hour, but she finally gave birth. As soon as she heard one of the doctors tell her it was over, she flopped down on the bed. It was over. She had nothing more to worry about.

Wait, she thought. Aren't babies supposed to cry? She frowned as she gently sat up. Her baby was not crying. "Hey," she called. "What's wrong with it? Why isn't the baby crying?"

Nurse Warner gave a sad sigh as she turned back to Serena. "The doctors are working very hard," she said. She did not know if they would be able to fix it. She hoped they would. She also did not know what else to say. She highly suspected that it was alcohol-related, but she could not be certain. "We don't know what's wrong with your daughter."

Serena barely registered the words. She just kept watching as the four doctors began frantically working on her baby. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "Just hang in there."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Despite her almost admirable amount of genuine care for her newborn daughter, Serena Benson could not manage to keep her eyes open for another minute. It had already been hours since she had given birth. She had not received an update on her daughter. That was supposed to be a bad thing, but honestly the only thing she cared about was getting a decent night's sleep.

She had been transferred out of the delivery room. Unfortunately for her, the only open rooms were semi-private. Arrangements were being made to switch her to a private room, but the process was slow.

The door to her room opened, and the nurse from the delivery room entered. She was alone.

"What's going on?" Serena pleaded. "Will someone let me know something about my daughter?" In retrospect, she maybe did not need all those glasses of wine. While she still did not fully believe all the studies about how alcohol is bad for babies, she definitely was starting to.

"You can see her," Nurse Warner stated as she pulled a wheelchair over towards the bed. As Serena crawled into it, Nurse Warner continued. "I'm going to warn you, it's not exactly a mother's dream of seeing their child. That being said, for a baby of your daughter's condition, she's doing pretty well."

Serena had finished her journey into their private room. She caught sight of the baby in the room next to the bed. That couldn't be her daughter, could it? This baby was tiny. She had gone through the delivery. The baby she gave birth to caused her a great deal of pain. How could something that small cause so much pain? Plus, the child almost looked dead. She was hooked up to tiny oxygen tubes just to help her breathe. "That's not my baby," Serena declared.

Nurse Warner shook her head sadly. "She is, Serena." She then gently pat the other woman's back as she eased Serena into the bed. She could not help but be sympathetic. Alcoholism was a recognized disease. She would certainly feel horrified if her own daughter was born like this. "But the doctors here are good at what they do. Cardigan might be a pompous ass, but he's a pompous ass who saves babies' lives."

"So she'll live?" Serena asked.

Nurse Warner sighed heavily. "I think so. We're a little concerned about her low birth weight. She was only a little over five pounds, despite being full term. Her lungs were slightly undeveloped, so we hooked her up to the oxygen to be on the safe side. It won't hurt her." She exhaled slowly. Now was the time to turn serious. The child might be fine for now, but if Serena's alcoholism kept up, Nurse Warner could not guarantee how long she would live. "Serena, your daughter survived by the grace of God. If you don't shape up—"

"I will!" Serena insisted. "I'll do anything for her. She is my daughter."

"Good," Nurse Warner stated. "Anything else I can help you with? I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have, but I figured you'd want to be alone."

Serena looked up at the nurse. "I appreciate that," she said. "Just one thing." Her mind was made up. This was a nice woman who had helped save her daughter. Serena did not have any special family member or other name picked out. "What's your name?"

Nurse Warner flashed Serena a warm smile. "Olivia."


End file.
